Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
