My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
