Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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