i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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