I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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