There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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