Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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