she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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