I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
