but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
