i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
