I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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