Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
