I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
