hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
