i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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