I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
