did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize