I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
