Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
