I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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