It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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