my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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