fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
