It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
