It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
