i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
