umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
