theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
