but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
