Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
