i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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