I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
