My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
