I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
