Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize