she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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