I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
