We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
