At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
