best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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