You're my little dorito
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
