Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize