Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
