i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
