jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize