By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
