I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
