you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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