I think I died a long time ago.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
