Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry myjobisthesuck hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!

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(917): View more from New York City

The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

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(907): View more from Alaska

If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

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(512): View more from Texas

Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..

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