I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
