He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
