2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
