i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
