Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
