Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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