i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
