Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Text me some of your sweat
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