I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
