mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
