I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
