i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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