1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
