and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
