I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
