Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
