all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
