Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
