Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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