I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize