she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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