I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
