Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
