I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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