He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
