How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
