In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
