Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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