dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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