Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
