I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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