Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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