why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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