this must be what syphilis tastes like
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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