if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tell your sister to shave her snatch
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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