sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
