My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
